Tony Hawk:Envoy of Death
by Bubalubagus
Summary: The tragic story of how Tony Hawk Pro Skater became the Grim Reaper


So there he was, the man himself, Tony Hawk. In his personal skate park within his own home, Tony Hawk soared on his hoverboard over the magnetic floor while doing a triple frontflip, he landed on his couch where a plate of Bagel Bites was waiting for him.

He reclined and started up his favorite game, Shaun White Snowboarding whenever a wormhole opened up and Cyborg Chad Muska appeared

"No, it can't be! I thought I defeated you!" said Tony "You fool, even though I was defeated brutally in the Formula Z skateboard race, resulting in the loss of many of my internal organs, I have returned." said Chad Muska

"But that's impossible! You weren't just injured Chad, you died!" said Tony "Hahaha, all will be revealed Tony, my organs were replaced with mechanical parts, and now I have come to challenge you once more!" said Chad "Why should I? I've already defeated you in Formula Z, the most hardcore skateboarding death race of all time, often regarded as the most brutal sport ever devised by the human race, even gladiators who drank blood from the still beating hearts of their opponents would shiver at the thought of something so intense. If I could beat you in that, then what greater challenge could you offer me?" asked Tony

"So you won? Prove it!" asked Chad "I have the champion belt on the wall over there, see for yourself." said Tony "I knew, you did win, that's exactly what I was hoping for! I will challenge you for that belt!" said Chad "Did you hear what I just said? Why should I?" asked Tony "If you win, I'll give you this!" said Chad, who removed a belt around his waist, the word champion was engraved on it

"What is that? Another Championship I didn't know about?" asked Tony "It is, you see Tony, whenever I died I went to skateboard hell and participated in their championship, if you thought Formula Z was hard then it only proves what a weak human you are, I have become a demon Tony. Time doesn't pass in hell, I spent an eternity in there until I won the Championship, I cannot express to you how difficult it was to become this powerful. I obtained the belt of the underworld, which granted me the power to travel through dimensions, I sent my demon messengers to earth and had my special team of scientists make preparations for my revival. Once my body had been restored I came here to find you, the belt is powerful, but it's incomplete, to obtain true power you must combine the belts." said Chad

"What kind of powers are we talking about?" asked Tony "According to the Satanic scriptures the underworld guardians gave me after I won, whoever obtains both belts will become the god of death, capable of incinerating the universe in an instant if you so wished." said Chad.

Tony considered this proposition, no matter how good of a skateboarder he was, he would die eventually, but if he could get both belts he could not only live forever, but rule the universe as well, but is it worth risking Chad's victory… Hell yeah it is, Tony Hawk could never pass up a challenge like this, he is the greatest pro skater of all time. "Fuck yeah, let's do this" said Tony

"Hahaha, I knew you would accept, now come with me to my skate park created between this world and hell, the time has come for the forces of good and evil to engage in their ancient battle once again, the belt's ultimate power beckons for you… and no man can say who shall emerge victorious." said Chad, opening up a wormhole that both he and tony entered.

Inside was a distorted hellscape with a twisting, winding, track made out of the screaming souls of the damned, the air was a cloud of blood mist, Tony coughed on it, the sight almost made him puke, Chad smirked "Fool, you shall soon see how much more powerful I have become." he said. "Get your board" said Chad, Tony brought out his hoverboard "Wait, this only works on a magnetic track!" said Tony "Don't worry, the energy those souls produce is electric, it should still work. "Fine then" Tony got on his board and prepared to start.

"Deathborn Avian!" called Chad, a skateboard tore through the dimensional wall and flew to Chad "This is my skateboard, after I trained for countless millennia I participated in the hell championship. I completely obliterated the previous champion, and after I won I had the underworld guardians forge the ultimate skateboard for me out of his soul, it was given the form of a Hell Eagle, one of the most fearsome creatures in the underworld, as I ride it absorbs absorbs the energy of weak souls to power it further, no one has ever been able to defeat me while I have this." said Chad.

"I'm not scared, this magnetic skateboard can travel up to 2600 km/hr" said Tony "Very well, but just remember one thing before we start, I am here to kill you, not the other way around." said Chad, and with that they both entered the ring.

Immediately Tony was surprised that Chad's Deathborn Avian was faster than him, though Tony had yet to reach his top speed, but the worst part was that Deathborn Avian absorbed souls from the track, erasing a path through the track, if Tony fell down that gap he would fall for eternity.

As Tony and Chad raced through the track they swerved across turns that would normally be impossible, from a straight away that led to a dead end there was secret path that did a 180 then went into an upside down halfpipe.

Tony was starting to get faster though, he was getting closer to Chad, nimbly evading his path of erasure. But that was when he noticed something odd, there was a swelling of dimensional energy, it burst and a flock of Hell Eagles flew out. Hell Eagles use their razor sharp talons and beaks to slice apart their enemies, they can fly at around 3000 km/hr and they can slash their talons 4 times per second, but after they consume a victim, the body is digested but the blood remains, this stored up blood is held in a special section of the Hell Eagles anatomy, they can compress this and fire it out into high pressure jets, just the air displaced by its movement is sharp enough to cut through steel.

The hell eagles fired, but this is Tony Hawk we're dealing with, he evaded the attacks with the grace of a ballerina before performing his ultimate move, Primal Electric Blaster. After Tony reaches his max speed, he slams the brakes on his board, the resulting force launches him forward, the static energy built up in the board follows him, chaining through the sky and into his body where he concentrates it into plasma and shoots a beam of starlight.

The hell eagles are fucking _**dead**_ , but Tony got left in the dust by Chad "I didn't want to have to do this, but he leaves me no choice" said Tony, he took the restraints off of his board "It will reach its true max speed, but will it be enough?" he activated the board, the accelerator was overclocked to unbelievable levels, he regained his 2600 km/hr in a matter of seconds, and by the time he caught up with Chad, he was at 12800 km/hr.

Now matched at their top speeds the two racers continued skating through what could only be described as a corkscrew gauntlet, they spiraled faster than sound could travel while hellish obstacles didn't just lay in wait, they actively sought out the two and tried to kill them.

"So, it seems like you've finally caught up Tony" said Chad "But this is less than 1% of my power, the belt will allow me to travel much faster! Now feel my unbridled wrath!" Chad accelerated to 128000 km/hr , he would be completing the race at any moment now, but Tony also accelerated to his max speed, and matched Chad again, at this point all obstacles were meaningless as their speed just busted right through them, they didn't even make turns anymore, their speeds were so great that the momentum carried them over gaps, meaning that Deathborn Avian's erasure was no longer an issue.

There was just one problem, Chad was still in the lead, he was about to cross the line, the universe was doomed, but that's whenever Tony remembered something. He had his Bagel Bites with him the whole time, Tony ate his favorite food and now that he had a balanced and delicious lunch he was ready to go full power.

Imbued with the fighting spirit and strength only bagel bites can provide, Tony reached 128001 km/hr and just barely passed Chad at the last possible second. "No, this cannot be!" screamed Chad, Tony said nothing, he simply took Chads belt and put it on "It seems that i have achieved ultimate power" he said "No, that's mine! Give it back! MY POWERS!" Chad burst into flames and disintegrated, his soul would forever burn for his sins in the hell verse, Tony on the other hand, cried a tear of joy for his victory, but also a tear of sadness.

It wasn't sadness for Chad, rather it was the fact that Tony knew that this was the last time he would ever be truly human, the last time he would struggle, to have fun, to fight, to have a challenge, he would live forever, but without that thrill, was he really alive?

Tony fastened the second belt onto his waist, his vision started to bend, like looking through a lens. It continued to distort until he couldn't see at all, when he regained his vision there wasn't even a when, for Tony had become an extra dimensional being.

He could view the entirety of space and time on the subatomic level, but also at universal sizes, these were not the estimation of sizes made by humans, he was capable of comprehending the true size of the universe, and examining the smallest particles, it was a scope beyond anything humanity had even considered, and he saw it all at once, all the time, but he had also never seen it at all, time no longer existed for him, things didn't happen when, they were simultaneously beginning and ending all at once, existing and not existing all at once. He was god.

Buy Bagel Bites at your local grocery store today, and you might become god too. "Okay, that's it everyone, commercial is done!" said Chuck Cornflap, the director of Bagel Bites commercials. "Wow Tony, I can't believe you became god at the end of that." said Chad "Wouldn't that be crazy?" "Yeah… it sure would." said Tony.

"Well, see you soon Tony." said Chad, and they went their separate ways, Chad went straight home, but Tony stayed behind. Over his clothes a black hooded robe materialized, and along with it came a scythe, Tony Hawk took one last look in Chad's direction before flying away into the night sky on his hoverboard "See you soon... Chad." he said ominously before disappearing completely.

The End?


End file.
